Lente was sat down at her desk, staring at the screen in front of her, tearing the words she had typed to pieces with her mind. She'd never been a wordsmith, her father was the storyteller, the poet, the kernels of wisdom wrapped in soft-spoken sentences. She took after her mother, who liked facts and reasoning and problem-solving, and the certainty that if you took an equation and solved for x the day after the next, it would still get the same answer.
Ugh, this whole thing was stupid. Why was she even writing the Joining Commission anyway? She'd told her dad she didn't want to be joined, and she'd meant it. At the time, at least. But that was over four years ago, nearly five... and right now, she didn't know how she felt. Stars... well, nothing wrong with trying, right? She didn't particularly want to be rejected, but that was the reality for ninety-nine percent of Trill who applied to be joined. She just wanted to know if she was good enough, smart enough, worthy enough to make it even one step further along in the process. If her hard work and calculations and late nights and messy sketches amounted to anything at all.
She shot a look towards the corner of her desk, where the first working prototype of the bird she'd made for Captain Torre'vnau was now joined by the little alcove Lieutenant Lhi had given her for her birthday. If nothing else, at least she had proof that she helped other people. That her work had merit even if she never made it past the first hurdle. Even if the morbid curiosity that had gripped her for a while now amounted to absolutely nothing, and the effort to compile all of her research into a machine that could actually, properly synthesise and retrain neural matter to function properly within established neural pathways, would have been a waste. Or, perhaps, more like an inevitability that she'd been putting off until she came to the final decision to put herself out there. She did plan to build the thing, after all.